June 14, 2006

HELLO MUDDA, HELLO FADDA, HERE I AM AT CAMP AL QAEDA

        The NYTimes, tribune of the oppressed, has now launched a campaign on behalf of misunderstood Jihadis. It has found a former Gitmo inmate to jerk our tear ducts with a tale of woe. Mourad Benchellali's Op-ed weeper follows a familiar form: the Western coming-of-age story, in which a young, innocent and idealistic boy seeking adventure, leaves home for a "dream vacation", has a series of dangerous experiences, then returns, sadder but wiser. Mr. Benchellali's variation on this time honored form, derives its impact from the way it employs fictional devices to create an appearance of verisimmilitude. We are required to suspend disbelief in the 'reality' of what is being described, when we're told that the author/narrator chose, for a "dream vacation", Afghanistan in the summer of 2001. "In the early summer of 2001, when I was 19, I made the mistake of listening to my older brother and going to Afghanistan on what I thought was a dream vacation. His friends, he said, were going to look after me. They did — channeling me to what turned out to be a Qaeda training camp. For two months, I was there, trapped in the middle of the desert by fear and my own stupidity..."
        Now Afghanistan was many things in 2001, but an ideal vacation spot it was not. It was a well known Taliban hell hole. The Bamiyan Buddhas were destroyed in March of that year and no prospective traveler was ignorant of that savage act. Non-believers were being massacred. Vacation heaven it wasn't--except in the dream world of our proto-novelist.
        Once we've agreed to suspend disbelief, we're prepared to submit to the author's delightful self-creation whereby, like a modern day Candide, he became a passive spectator of his own life. He tells us he arrived at an al Qaeda camp through the exertions ("channeling") of his brother's friends. He omits mentioning any Jihadi skills he acquired during his months of training, rather seeming to have just waited for camp season to end. Did he enjoy classes in beheading? Lying to captors? How did he do in suicide bombing class? Did 'camp' include extracurricular lessons in sexual submission? Color war ending with roasted anthrax marshmallows?
        Horsefeathers believes that Mr. Benchellali shows promise as a post-modern confabulator who, with a little more training at an Ivy League university or the Iowa Writers Workshop could make a living writing TV soap operas. He astutely counts on the capacity for denial by America's victims of 9-11. He understands that the New York Times is the organ of frightened liberals who want to hear happy multicultural talk. His shortcomings as a creator of fiction are most evident when he seeks to create a self portrait ("...I am a quiet Muslim — I've never waged war, let alone an asymmetrical one. I wasn't anti-American before and, miraculously, I haven't become anti-American since...). What an extraordinary fellow, able to rise far above base motives like anti-Americanism, and praise himself for his own extraordinariness. Such a self declared, mild mannered Muslim! Why how could anyone possibly suspect him of being a trained Jihadi killer. After completing his training, he was captured on his way out of Afghanistan and interrogated at Gitmo. He doesn't mention what he learned, but it can be found in captured al Qaeda manuals. And this is not fiction:

Lesson Eighteen
PRISONS AND DETENTION CENTERS
IF AN INDICTMENT IS ISSUED AND THE TRIAL, BEGINS, THE BROTHER HAS TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE FOLLOWING:

1 . At the beginning of the trial, once more the brothers must insist on proving that torture was inflicted on them by State Security [investigators ]before the judge.

2. Complain [to the court] of mistreatment while in prison.

3. Make arrangements for the brother ’s defense with the attorney, whether he was retained by the brother ’s family or court-appointed.

4. The brother has to do his best to know the names of the state security officers, who participated in his torture and mention their names to the judge.[These names may be obtained from brothers who had to deal with those officers in previous cases.]

5. Some brothers may tell and may be lured by the state security investigators to testify against the brothers [i.e. affirmation witness ], either by not keeping them together in the same prison during the trials, or by letting them talk to the media. In this case, they have to be treated gently, and should be offered good advice, good treatment, and pray that God may guide them.

6. During the trial, the court has to be notified of any mistreatment of the brothers inside the prison.

7. It is possible to resort to a hunger strike, but i t is a tactic that can either succeed or fail.

8. Take advantage of visits to communicate with brothers outside prison and exchange information that may be helpful to them in their work outside prison [according to what occurred during the investigations]. The importance of mastering the art of hiding messages is self evident here.

-When the brothers are transported from and to the prison [on their way to the court] they should shout Islamic slogans out loud from inside the prison cars to impress upon the people and their family the need to support Islam.

-Inside the prison, the brother should not accept any work that may belittle or demean him or his brothers, such as the cleaning of the prison bathrooms or hallways.

-The brothers should create an Islamic program for themselves inside the prison, as well as recreational and educational ones, etc.

-The brother in prison should be a role model in selflessness. Brothers should also pay attention to each others needs and should help each other and unite vis a vis the prison officers.