November 22, 2006

BASEBALL'S MVP VOTE: PROOF THAT SPORTSWRITERS ARE DUMB AS MOST OTHER JOURNALISTS

And now to important matters: baseball.
        The farce of the Most Valuable Player award continues. In 1925 Roger Peckinpaugh hit .294 in 422 at bats, while Al Simmons hit .387 in 654 at bats. Peckinpaugh won the MVP. Perhaps Derek Jeter can draw consolation from that fact as he reflects on losing this year's American league MVP to Justin Morneau.
        Tim Marchman, our favorite sports writer, points out the value of this absurd choice. In time to come "perhaps millions of drinks will be won on bets involving Justin Morneau's name."

"The selection, announced yesterday, of Minnesota first baseman Justin Morneau as the American League's Most Valuable Player is dumb and indefensible, good evidence of why no one takes baseball writers seriously. Morneau wasn't the best, or the second-best, or the third-best player among first basemen and designated hitters. He wasn't the best or second-best player on his own team. He wasn't even the best player with the initials "JM" on his own team. (You take the guy with 130 RBI and I'll take Joe Mauer, a Gold Glove-caliber catcher who led the league in batting average, and we'll see who wins more games.) He wasn't one of the five best players in the division. He wasn't one of the 10 best players in the league..."
See the rest here.

November 15, 2006

DEMOCRATIC POTENCY

With all the ink that has been spilled,'Throw the rascals out' seems the best explanation Horsefeathers has found for the recent Congressional vote. Now that we've had the cleansing catharsis, the sweet words of conciliation and the general expectation that happy days are here again, we thought this joke might serve as a cautionary note.

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding. "Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"

The bride to be said: "A long frilly white dress with a veil."

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?"

"Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as any first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the Limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled Immediately and never spoke to each other again."

"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.

"That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be."

hat tip to Morton Schatzman, M.D.

November 06, 2006

THE RACE THAT COUNTS MOST: LIEBERMAN VS.THE ANTI-SEMITES

        Horsefeathers regards the pseudo-science of polling as mainly a way for the media to transform politics into something exciting, like horse racing. We all love predictions; that's why fortune tellers make more money than shrinks. They give the illusion of knowledge and control where it doesn't exist. Pollsters are as accurate as stock market gurus-- and as forgetful. When they're wrong they just move on, reputations intact, to the next set of predictions. If they're lucky enough to make an accurate call they trumpet their great foresight, when it's actually pure chance. If 100 people are asked to call a coin toss, the one person who gets it right 10 times in a row will be proclaimed a genius---if he's a stock market guru or a political pundit.
        That said, Horsefeathers will not be surprised if the Democrats do well in tomorrow's elections. History suggests they should. Parties in power become complacent over time, and voters want something new. The problem is the Democrats offer nothing new in the way of solutions to problems; instead they offer tantrums and denial. However, if the MSM and the rage-filled infantile liberals do drag the Dems over the finish line first, it won't save them. They remain a party devoid of ideas. Whining and proclaiming your superiority can only get you so far. When the Islamo-fascists start blowing up buildings and beheading our countrymen, the adults step in. The very success of the Bush administration in preventing another 9-11 has paradoxically allowed the childish mindset of contemporary liberals to reassert itself. They forget how we all expected more attacks following 9-11, and they now minimize the 'gathering storm' by focusing on the hated Bush and the evil neo-Cons. They tell each other how smart they are because they read Tom Friedman, and how morally superior they are because they march for peace.
        If their recent nominee for President, John Kerry, were half as smart as he imagines he is, he'd have read Tommy and known enough to keep his mouth shut. Kipling's insight remains true as ever; the wordsmith elites who disdain them, will cower behind the warriors when the shooting starts: "...For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Chuck him out, the brute!"/ But it's "Saviour of 'is country," when the guns begin to shoot..."
        As far as we're concerned the most important race this election season, is for Senator in Connecticut. This is because it is the vote whose outcome transcends petty day-to-day politics. When utopian dreams prove unattainable, scapegoats are necessary and Jews become targets. Joe Lieberman has been subjected to open and vile Jew hatred from the army of left utopians who dumped him in favor of Ned Lamont. Lamont has welcomed the support of the Jew haters, taken their money and appeared at rallies denouncing Israel. Should he prevail in tomorrow's race, it will validate the scapegoating tactic. The Democratic party is already in financial thrall to the Jew loathing George Soros, and is home to such anti-semites as Jimmy Carter, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. How fitting that the grandson of Corliss Lamont, wealthy apologist for Stalin, would help the Democratic party become the home for those carrying forward Stalin's war against the Jews. We'll be hoping for a Lieberman win.

November 02, 2006

DEMOCRATS SECURE AN IMPORTANT ENDORSEMENT

"Of course Americans should vote Democrat," Jihad Jaara, a senior member of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades terror group and the infamous leader of the 2002 siege of Bethlehem's Church of the Nativity, told WND.
See the rest here.

November 01, 2006

HE WAS TOO SMART TO BE PRESIDENT

KerrySmart.

SO SORRY NOW: THE LATEST NON-APOLOGY APOLOGY

John Kerry is sincerely sorry; he didn't realize you were so dumb as to misinterpret his oh-so-clever joke. What's the matter with you people, no sense of humor? "I sincerely regret that my words were misinterpreted to wrongly imply anything negative about those in uniform..."

Strangely, those lazy, uneducated jocks in the military got it: See here.

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